Empty Womb, Broken Heart

Okay, so a dramatic (and slightly plagiarized) title but I am now on cycle 16 and getting very frustrated. Cycle 14 in which I did Clomid and Metformin was not a success. Cycle 15 was my 6th and last allowable cycle with Clomid in which I did intrauterine insemination which failed. I took a pregnancy test a day early which was negative but was not without hope that I would get a positive result in a few days. But my hopes were crushed when my period arrived at work on Friday and the sorrow rushed over me like a tidal wave. I had to go into the bathroom and cry through my lunch break.

I called my doctor's office and they told me that I would have to skip the next cycle as I could not get in to see my doctor until the end of October and I obviously, couldn't start a new medication without a prescription and consultation with her. I emailed her and the angel called me right away and set a new plan into motion so I can do IUI again this cycle. I am doing what they call hybrid treatment, taking Femara pills days 3-7 of my cycle and injecting Gonal-F from day 7 until they tell me to stop. I had an ultrasound on day 3 to make sure that I didn't have ovarian cysts before I start the drugs and I will need repeat ultrasounds on day 10 and day 12. I am not sure how the IUI factors into there but I will find out on Thursday when I receive my injection instructions. I am a little nervous about the injections. I can stick a needle into other people without a problem but I may have a little trouble doing it to myself.

I felt a little better when my doctor explained why the IUI cycle failed last month. A side effect of Clomid is that it can thin out the uterine wall which effects Estrogen levels and can make it hard to get pregnant. This is why they limit the use of Clomid to 6 cycles. My uterus was quite thin on the ultrasound done the day before the IUI so a result of pregnancy would have been highly unlikely despite the fact that I had 4 good follicles and Paul's swimmers were all cleaned and polished. That made me feel less like a failure but more like WTF! why did I spend the money on an IUI that they figured wouldn't work! This new drug combo should not thin the uterus and is proven to be more effective (but more expensive) than Clomid.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this month!