Not Yet (7/7/10)

It seems that people are never satisfied. When you’re single, they ask, “When are you going to get married?” As soon as you’re married, they ask, “When are you going to have kids?” Being fertility-impaired, that was always a painful question for me to hear from people who should just mind their own business. But even after finally having a child, they still aren’t satisfied. Now they ask, “When are you going to have another?” AAH! Leave me alone.

Well, nosy people- that is not a question that is easily answered. First, we’d have to decide if we wanted another kid. Then, we’d have to decide if we were ready. But even if we were ready, that doesn’t mean a darn thing as demonstrated by my attempts to get pregnant the first time. I know that people with fertility problems the first time around don’t necessarily struggle with secondary infertility but it is still a distinct possibility. If it does happen again, our insurance has changed and no longer covers any part of the costly procedures and medications that we used to get Lily. We could barely afford the medical intervention before and certainly wouldn’t be able to afford it now which would mean that we would have to leave it all up to chance. That being said, I don’t know if I could handle the years of anticipation and repeated disappointment again. Is the fear of going through all that emotional turmoil holding me back? Quite possibly, but that is my issue to work through.

But I’m jumping ahead. As stated previously, the first step would be to determine if we were ready for another kid which right now, we are not. We are really enjoying our time with Lily and aren’t yet ready to have to split the spotlight between her and another baby. This conviction was reaffirmed when my monthly friend arrived today, two days late. I was very glad when it finally came which just shows me that I am not ready for another child quite yet.


Besides, Lily is a great kid and such a wonderful blessing. How could we be so selfish as to wish for another miracle like her? Whether she is all we decide to have or all that God will allow us to have, I still consider myself the luckiest mom on the face of the Earth.