34 Weeks Along (Friday, 1/9/09)

After almost no sleep on Friday night, we got up early Saturday to take Betsy for a nice long walk, fed her a big breakfast of pureed leftover chicken, and cuddled with her. I asked her if she was sure it was time to go and her answer was an increase in her loud labored breathing. I took that as a yes and was thankful for her agreement. She slowly but obediently got in the car and rode to the vet’s office like it was any other car adventure. That broke my heart. After signing the consent form through tears, we took her straight into a room and they explained the whole process of putting her down. First she was given a shot of a sedative which took about 10 minutes to take effect. I sat on the floor with her petting her and talking to her. Her breathing was really labored as she sat with me but as the sedative took effect, it got a lot easier for her to breathe. As she got sleepy, she laid down with her head in my lap and drifted off to sleep while I petted her and told her what a good dog she was. Then the vet assistants came in and asked if we were ready to let go. How can you ever be ready? They gave her the shot which is basically an overdose of anesthesia. She woke up a little when the injection of the medication started then fell back asleep and stopped breathing before the all of the medication was even in her. They checked that her heart had stopped and told us that she was gone. Then they left the room and gave us time with her to finish saying our goodbyes. I continued to sit on the floor with her and stroked her silky ears and told her goodbye, how much I loved her, and thanked her for all of the wonderful memories for quite a while. I didn’t want our time together to end even though I knew she was already gone. It was so hard and we, of course, bawled through the entire process. Then we took her home and buried her in the backyard. In the spring we will make her grave prettier and get her a little headstone. When we came back inside, I emailed out Betsy’s obituary.
I had little time to compose myself before I had to start getting ready for my family baby shower at my Cousin Ashlee’s house. It was really hard to pull it together but I was kind of glad for the forced distraction from my grief. The shower was beautiful. Ashlee, Aunt Robin, and Aunt Margaret were the hosts and they really outdid themselves with the decorations, food, and everything. It was beautiful and very thoughtful, right down to the flower arrangements of lilies for Lilia. I got sleep sacks, pooh photo albums, books, two beautiful dresses that were handmade by Jeremy’s grandmother, bibs, cute handmade blocks with bells in them with a carrier and a beautiful blanket hand knit by Carol LaVictoire, a cute antique style handmade quilt by my mom, a stroller, a car seat, a crib mattress protector, a dishwasher caddy, a crib sheet, blankets, a sassy toy gift set, a diaper bag, car seat toys, a rubber ducky bath temperature gauge, a hooded pooh towel, magnets, window clings, ducky slippers, a Bumbo, some CDs, socks, and tons of onesies and other cute clothes. It was a very nice shower. Paul came with me but he hung out with my dad, his dad, and John at my parents' house during the shower. Here are some pictures from the shower:

some of the cute decorations-

Aunt Robin, Aunt Margaret, me, and Ashlee-

Mom and I -

Pooh hooded towel from Grandma-

the handmade quilt from my mom-

On the way home in the car, we had to tell Rachel about Betsy. When we walked in the door, we expected to hear Betsy’s tail thumping in her crate as always and instead opened the door to silence. I walked into the kitchen and instinctively looked into her crate, expecting to see her there and the crying started again. Before we went to bed, Paul turned on the back light and looked for animals in the backyard as he always does before her last walk of the night. Then he remembered she was gone and turned the light back off. It is going to take a long time for us to get used to life without her.
Sunday was the all day event of taking Rachel to the airport. It was crazy busy there. At least her plane was on time. Afterwards, we went grocery shopping. I had to sit down for a while in the store due to some cramping. My uterus was tightening and I finally recognized it as false labor. I was probably dehydrated, obviously stressed, and haven’t slept all week so I am sure that didn’t help.
On Tuesday I had my OB check. I will have appointments every two weeks instead of monthly now. Everything looked good. The baby is growing well and is in a downward position. I lost another pound making the total loss 12 since I got pregnant.
The rest of the week was fairly uneventful. I took down Christmas decorations but just haven’t yet been able to box up all of Betsy’s things. Amber needs her crate to climb up to the cat food and I am not ready to get rid of all signs of her in the house. It snowed this week and covered up her remaining paw prints in the existing snow outside. That made me sad. Paul did a lot of work on the mural. It is looking really good.

News from the womb…
The baby’s eyes are opening during the alert times of its daily cycle and closing when it sleeps. The eyes are usually blue at this time, regardless of the final color they will become, because the pigmentation that colors the eyes is not fully developed. Final formation of eye pigmentation generally requires a few weeks’ exposure to light. The baby has begun to develop its own immune reaction to infections in addition to the immune protection provided by me. The baby’s fingernails have now grown to reach the end of the fingertips. The baby has grown another ½ inch this week making it about 13.5 inches in length from crown to rump with another 3/8 inch increase in head circumference. The baby weights at least 4.5 pounds now.