Get Me Off This Ride

It was a crushing blow to learn that my first complete round of injectables with IUI was a failure. This is the first time that I even feel up to talking about it. This is my second failed insemination and they say that if you don't get pregnant by the third, chances are that it will not work for you. I am too scared and too emotionally exhausted right now to try round three. I feel like I need to take a mental health break from this emotional roller coaster so that is what I am doing. I am meeting with my doctor again on March 25 and until then, I am going to try to relax and focus on me. I could say that I will take these three months off of thinking about my infertility but that would be a lie. I think about it every time I see a baby or hear someone talk about their children, every time a patient asks me if I have any kids or I see some adorable baby clothes in the store. No, I cannot block my brain from focusing on the giant gaping hole in my heart but at least I can take a little while where I don't let the obsession of infertility treatments and the devastation that inevitably happens every month run my life. I will sign back on in the spring. Until then...