I think that I am on cycle 14 now. I can't even remember. All I know is that it has been a heck of a long time. I decided to give Clomid plus Metformin a one cycle chance and, if that doesn't work, move on to insemination on my last Clomid cycle. Rachel will be leaving to go to New York at the end of this month (so sad) so it will be easier to focus on insemination and all the appointments related to it then.
We had a different leader at our RESOLVE meeting last weekend who, when noting my pessimism and Paul's optimism, talked about positive imagery and its impact on fertility and fertility treatment as she learned from the book "Getting Around the Boulder in the Road: Using Imagery to Cope with Fertility Problems" by Dr. Aline Zoldbrod. I found this very interesting but, as of yet, have been unable to get my hands on a copy of the book as it is out of print. However, from the little bit she told us, I am trying to be more positive and think of in terms of "when" I get pregnant, not "if". I also am trying not to assume that each cycle has failed and therefore look toward the next step. (I am obviously not doing well at that part since I just mentioned my next steps earlier in this blog!)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Blah
I think that I am having pre-menstrual cramps which is, as always, devastating. My doctor says that it is time to move on to insemination. I am glad to be proactively moving forward but sad that we cannot accomplish our task in a more natural manner. She added Metformin to my Clomid which is a drug given to help control Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and help increase my fertility. She confirmed that I only get 2 more cycles of Clomid. After that, it is onto more expensive shots in the stomach. I am currently debating between trying one full cycle of Clomid plus Metformin before insemination or just going for it next cycle. I have to decide soon because the ball starts rolling after day 1 of my cycle.
I forgot to mention in my last blog that at the beginning of July I went to a RESOLVE peer support group meeting. RESOLVE is the national infertility association whose mission is to provide support, education, and advocacy to the 7.3 million Americans who suffer with the disease of infertility. I met some really nice people. It was great having people who can relate to my problems. They are much further along in the infertility journey than I so they provided a lot of advice and support. It was nice to hear that I am not being selfish and illogical as I find myself increasingly annoyed with pregnant women. (This week I heard of two more people who got pregnant before they even started trying. Argh!) It was also very nice to see that infertility has made them all stronger as couples.
I also forgot to mention that I finally spoke with my mom about our fertility problems. She was awesome. I have absolutely no idea why I didn't confide in her sooner.
I forgot to mention in my last blog that at the beginning of July I went to a RESOLVE peer support group meeting. RESOLVE is the national infertility association whose mission is to provide support, education, and advocacy to the 7.3 million Americans who suffer with the disease of infertility. I met some really nice people. It was great having people who can relate to my problems. They are much further along in the infertility journey than I so they provided a lot of advice and support. It was nice to hear that I am not being selfish and illogical as I find myself increasingly annoyed with pregnant women. (This week I heard of two more people who got pregnant before they even started trying. Argh!) It was also very nice to see that infertility has made them all stronger as couples.
I also forgot to mention that I finally spoke with my mom about our fertility problems. She was awesome. I have absolutely no idea why I didn't confide in her sooner.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Long time, no blog
Apparently it has been a long time since I last posted. Sadly there have been no positive developments. Paul finally got in to see a Urologist who confirmed his teratozoospermia with another semen analysis but there is apparently nothing they can do to help. A fixable cause would be a varicocele which is a dilated blood vessel that is basically causing the little guys to be cooked to deformity but apparently he doesn't have that. He also has a normal testosterone level. So in the absence of these problems, there is nothing they can do to raise the percentage of normal sperm. He suggested intrauterine insemination which is another name for artificial insemination. They would give me drugs to stimulate ovulation (more powerful than my current Clomid) then when the time is right they would take his swimmers, wash and concentrate them, picking out only the normal ones, and place them in my uterus. My doctor has also suggested this as our next step if Clomid is unsuccessful for us. I have taken Clomid for the past 4 cycles with no success and the maximum amount of time they let you take it is 6 cycles. I see her in about an hour so I will see what she says...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Yes or no
Well, ovulation has occured this cycle. Now the waiting game of did it work or didn't it...
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Is it hot in here?
I am on day 6 of my cycle which is my second day of Clomid and I am having the fun side effect of hot flashes like mad. I am not looking forward to menopause! I didn't have any side effects last month but this time I am not so lucky. Whew!
Friday, May 4, 2007
Onto cycle 11
Well, the Clomid didn't work for us this cycle. I was so sure it would. I am disappointed beyond words. I had a negative pregnancy test when I was 2 days late and was going to try again when I was 5 days late but the answer came on day 4. I took another test anyway but, of course, it was negative. Poor overly positive Paul, he was so sure that this was it too. He even had a dream that I was pregnant. I have to hand it to him, he bounces right back with, "better luck next month, the trying is the funnest part." I, on the other hand, have been moping all day.
I wanted to give my mom the best mother's day present- grandmotherhood. I haven't even told my parents that we are trying because I wanted it to be a complete surprise when we got pregnant. I know they can't wait for me to have kids. But now with our apparent problems and the failure of the first round of medication, I think I need to tell them what's going on. Not only so that they aren't out of the loop but also for their support. I am really worried now that the Clomid may not do the trick. I need my mommy.
I wanted to give my mom the best mother's day present- grandmotherhood. I haven't even told my parents that we are trying because I wanted it to be a complete surprise when we got pregnant. I know they can't wait for me to have kids. But now with our apparent problems and the failure of the first round of medication, I think I need to tell them what's going on. Not only so that they aren't out of the loop but also for their support. I am really worried now that the Clomid may not do the trick. I need my mommy.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
10 cycles and still trying...
I know that I am not the first person to have difficulty trying to get pregnant and I certainly won't be the last. I know that this story has been told a thousand times over but this time it's my story. I come from a strong and persistent mother who fought like heck to have me and was unable to have any more children. Now it seems that I am destined to continue her fight but hope to God that I can find the strength.
My last pill was on August 9, 2006. After years of procrastination, we threw out the pack mid-cycle. The usual "let's first finish this project, pay this off, save more money, etc" excuse list that can carry on for a lifetime had grown lame. We just found out my sister-in-law was pregnant and my husband thought it would be great to have cousins close in age. I said, "sure!" to my surprise and into the garbage the pills went.
At first it seemed fun but after many cycles went by, the waiting really got to me. I admit, I am not at all patient. When I want something, I want it NOW. 9 months already seems like long enough to wait! Finally, my primary care doctor agreed to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist to see what the problem was.
I met with my fertility doctor for the first time on March 20, 2007 and I just loved her from the start. She was very straightforward and seemed quite proactive. She ordered a battery of tests. First, we did a sonohystogram which is an ultrasound procedure to visualize the inside of the uterus and endometrium. She put a catheter in my cervix and inflated a small balloon to hold it in place. Then she injected saline into the uterus and watched on the ultrasound as the saline moved through my fallopian tubes to make sure that there weren't any blockages. She also looked at my ovaries for cysts or abnormalities. Everything looked good so that was a relief since my mom suffered so bad from endometriosis and uterine fibroids. The procedure caused a lot of cramping but it subsided shortly after it was done. I also did a bunch of blood tests including a Clomid challenge test where she checked my follicle stimulating hormone, lutenizing hormone, and estradiol on day 3 of my cycle, then I took 100mg of Clomid on days 5-9 then she checked my levels of follicle stimulating hormone again on day 10. (Clomid is a fertility drug that influences the way that the hormones required for ovulation interact and ultimately leads to the release of one or more mature eggs - ovulation.) The blood tests showed that I have a hormone imbalance which is quite similar to Polycystic Ovary Syndrome but doesn't quite meet the requirements for diagnosis. Anyway, the hormone imbalance could lead to me either not ovulating or not producing mature enough eggs for fertilization. The good news is that I responded quite well to the Clomid so there is hope.
My doctor also ordered a semen analysis on Paul which he was so not happy about. She said that he had a record number of swimmers, more than they had ever seen in their lab, but that 95% of them were abnormally shaped. The good news is that 20 million normal sperm are the minimum they feel are required for a shot at fertilization and with his high volume, he had 40 million normal sperm. However, she suggested he see a urologist because he may have a varicocele which is a dilated blood vessel that are overheating the sperm and causing them harm. This is apparently quite common and easy to fix. Again, he is not so happy about the prospect of seeing a urologist. I made him an appointment with his primary care doctor on May 23 to get the referral assuring him that if I become pregnant in the meantime, he doesn't have to go.
So from the tests, the action plan my doctor and I agreed on is for Paul to see a urologist and for me to continue trying Clomid for the next 3 months. We will then meet again and see if we need to move onto insemination. I am hoping that the Clomid works, not only because it means that I will be pregnant finally, but also because my insurance does not cover any fertility treatment besides diagnostic testing and has a $5000 cap on fertility medications. Isn't that nice? "Yes, we have determined you have a fertility problem, now too bad for you because we won't help you fix it!" My doctor said that when it comes to fertility-challenged couples (I hate the term infertility, it makes it sound like it's impossible) 1/3 of the time it's a problem with the woman, 1/3 of the time it's a problem with the man, and 1/3 of the time it's a problem with both. Apparently we fall in the last category with my pseudo-PCOS and Paul's teratozoospermia.
Meanwhile, my sister-in-law just gave birth to a healthy and happy little boy. I am so happy for her but at the same time cannot help my envy as she is already at the destination and I cannot seem to catch a train...
My last pill was on August 9, 2006. After years of procrastination, we threw out the pack mid-cycle. The usual "let's first finish this project, pay this off, save more money, etc" excuse list that can carry on for a lifetime had grown lame. We just found out my sister-in-law was pregnant and my husband thought it would be great to have cousins close in age. I said, "sure!" to my surprise and into the garbage the pills went.
At first it seemed fun but after many cycles went by, the waiting really got to me. I admit, I am not at all patient. When I want something, I want it NOW. 9 months already seems like long enough to wait! Finally, my primary care doctor agreed to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist to see what the problem was.
I met with my fertility doctor for the first time on March 20, 2007 and I just loved her from the start. She was very straightforward and seemed quite proactive. She ordered a battery of tests. First, we did a sonohystogram which is an ultrasound procedure to visualize the inside of the uterus and endometrium. She put a catheter in my cervix and inflated a small balloon to hold it in place. Then she injected saline into the uterus and watched on the ultrasound as the saline moved through my fallopian tubes to make sure that there weren't any blockages. She also looked at my ovaries for cysts or abnormalities. Everything looked good so that was a relief since my mom suffered so bad from endometriosis and uterine fibroids. The procedure caused a lot of cramping but it subsided shortly after it was done. I also did a bunch of blood tests including a Clomid challenge test where she checked my follicle stimulating hormone, lutenizing hormone, and estradiol on day 3 of my cycle, then I took 100mg of Clomid on days 5-9 then she checked my levels of follicle stimulating hormone again on day 10. (Clomid is a fertility drug that influences the way that the hormones required for ovulation interact and ultimately leads to the release of one or more mature eggs - ovulation.) The blood tests showed that I have a hormone imbalance which is quite similar to Polycystic Ovary Syndrome but doesn't quite meet the requirements for diagnosis. Anyway, the hormone imbalance could lead to me either not ovulating or not producing mature enough eggs for fertilization. The good news is that I responded quite well to the Clomid so there is hope.
My doctor also ordered a semen analysis on Paul which he was so not happy about. She said that he had a record number of swimmers, more than they had ever seen in their lab, but that 95% of them were abnormally shaped. The good news is that 20 million normal sperm are the minimum they feel are required for a shot at fertilization and with his high volume, he had 40 million normal sperm. However, she suggested he see a urologist because he may have a varicocele which is a dilated blood vessel that are overheating the sperm and causing them harm. This is apparently quite common and easy to fix. Again, he is not so happy about the prospect of seeing a urologist. I made him an appointment with his primary care doctor on May 23 to get the referral assuring him that if I become pregnant in the meantime, he doesn't have to go.
So from the tests, the action plan my doctor and I agreed on is for Paul to see a urologist and for me to continue trying Clomid for the next 3 months. We will then meet again and see if we need to move onto insemination. I am hoping that the Clomid works, not only because it means that I will be pregnant finally, but also because my insurance does not cover any fertility treatment besides diagnostic testing and has a $5000 cap on fertility medications. Isn't that nice? "Yes, we have determined you have a fertility problem, now too bad for you because we won't help you fix it!" My doctor said that when it comes to fertility-challenged couples (I hate the term infertility, it makes it sound like it's impossible) 1/3 of the time it's a problem with the woman, 1/3 of the time it's a problem with the man, and 1/3 of the time it's a problem with both. Apparently we fall in the last category with my pseudo-PCOS and Paul's teratozoospermia.
Meanwhile, my sister-in-law just gave birth to a healthy and happy little boy. I am so happy for her but at the same time cannot help my envy as she is already at the destination and I cannot seem to catch a train...
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